Thursday, October 8, 2009

Random Memories




It is funny, but there was a period in my young adult life when I thought that all of my childhood memories did not exist. It was not that I had a horrible childhood; I just felt that for some reason I could not remember much of my childhood. My mother divorced my father when I was probably about four or five, but I really do not have any memories of my father when I was young.



I remember bits and pieces of childhood experiences. For example, my younger brother Jamie has a birthday four days from mine. We always celebrated our birthdays together, we would get the same gifts, and I really hated this. I wanted a day that was special just for me. One happy memory, though, was when we both got Big Wheels for our birthday, I remember riding them up and down the alley in the housing project that we lived in. The alley was made of concrete slabs, it was riddled with cracks and grass growing from these cracks, and cars parked on either side of the alley. For some reason we were allowed to ride up and down this alleyway, apparently since there were so many kids in this project, the alley was a safe place.



Other things that I remember from this time in my life are the cold, snowy winters. The building of snowmen in the front lawn and sledding down a hill that was probably less than three feet high. There was also a bush in our front yard and I used to stop at a Kmart after school with a friend that was a bad influence. We would always steal a toy and I would hide it in the bush in the front of the house, trying to convince my mom later that I had found it. She knew I was lying and brought me back to the store to confess my crime.



Later we lived in a house that was the top floor of a duplex owned by my grandparent’s. Memories from this time are also intermittent, but I remember spending time with my grandfather over the summer at a cottage in the woods. There were three different houses, two were on a river, and one was like a farm. I do not know if these memories occurred before or after the time we lived above my grandparents or if they occurred at the same time. The smell of butane lighters always reminds me of my grandfather, and my grandmother always had a few pieces of candy in her purse.



It is interesting, as I try to rekindle some of these memories, I can almost see and feel the summer’s spent on the river. For example, I remember the name Fox River, and the house on this river was right next to a forest. Although it was not really a forest, just a wooded area between two houses, it was easy to feel as if you were lost in this area. They must have stayed at this place for a couple of years, because I remember summer’s where the sound of frogs filled the air. Later summers some environmental damage must have been done because I remember feeling a great sense of sadness and loss that the frogs were no longer there. I even used to have dreams about this place, but in these dreams the fish and wildlife were all gone. It was very sad.



As I close my eyes and think of these childhood memories, the senses really do play a role in helping to remember. For instance, I am thinking of the smells of Christmas dinners in which all of the sisters (my grandparents had four daughters) and their children (my two cousins) would get together. It was always a time of joy, of playing, of laughter, and of good food. My grandfather used to make a dessert that was basically an angel food cake, shredded into pieces, with a can of fruit cocktail poured over it and stirred with a package of cool whip. For some reason I loved this dessert more than anything.



So the senses of smell, of place, of the seasons do have a powerful impact on helping me to remember. I am trying to think of any aural memories, sounds that were unique, that might help me remember things as well. I remember my mom playing vinyl records on a record player, and I remember the sounds of dogs barking, but for me the sense of sound does not seem to play as strong a role in helping me to remember things.



What helps you remember?

Sunday, October 4, 2009

A Standing O



Without an audience, we seldom receive a standing ovation!



The stage upon which we perform our most entertaining dialogue is the one held deep within our own minds. If we are lucky, from time to time we will be able to laugh aloud at our innermost conversations.



In one of my most recent intrapersonal conversations I was attempting to solve a mystery from my youth. You see, in my mind a hippopotamus had somehow escaped from the Milwaukee Zoo and was living in the canal system. Perhaps this was a transmorphizamagination of the old flush a crocodile down the toilet and it grows up in the sewer system fixation. Who knows? I doubt it ever really happened, but just the same, I know it did.



And then the argument begins….



In a fight with oneself, no one really has a chance to win.



My favorite words are the ones I make up myself.



Now, imagine for a moment if any one of our given inner dialogues was played out on a large screen high definition television set with surround sound speakers in front of a group of our most intimate friends!



Would you hold your head up high, proud of your relative lack of sanity?



Or would you die inside?



Or…would you sit and laugh at yourself until your sides hurt?

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Lover's Touch in C Minor

I picked up my guitar just the other day…

I said hey long lost lover how you been? I have missed you, tell me a story…

No one was around, even the mice were sleeping. We talked all night and we were lost in one another's embrace.

We promised to stay in touch, to not let so much distance pass between us. We were both lying, but the mask of smiles concealed the inner sadness as we parted our ways.

Before we parted company, we wrote a song together. It was a beautiful, magnificent gift to the universe.

And now, days later, I reminisce and wonder if my guitar misses me.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Commonplace Commodity


Friendship is a peculiarly invaluable asset. At its very core is contained a glimpse of all that is important.



At moments it is one of the strongest bonds that we can know; at other times it is as fragile as the wings of a butterfly.



Within the realm of friendship, all things are possible. From the warmest of moments to the darkest of times, a solid friendship can carry you beyond the wreckage of tribulations to a place containing the seeds of triumph.



If you have been given the name of friend by another, be relentless in the way in which you carry that title.



Wear the name friend with honor!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Four Queens and a Joker

Sitting in the darkness near the edge of twilight


A world apart and far removed



Scene One:



Flash frozen in thyme not long ago


A still imaged gorgeous sunshine queen


Cold stone but etched in flesh forever


And made of brick and blonde and bones


…and yet never was I…


The eyeglass nor the camera lens



Scene Two:



On hardwood floors where creaks run dry


A performance unnerved while giving birth


To dreams awake and dreams to take


Creating worlds from sand and pebbles


…and yet never was I…


Existentially the audience intentioned



Scene Three:



From notes that fall like sleet and hail


Slow moving lips with rhythmic twists


Intoxication bursts sweet nectar melody


To cage the bird and free the song


…and yet never was I…


Noted worth leaving torn in eighths



Scene Four:



The pole that smokes the dim of night


A tale to wag and wink and whine


Beyond crumpled compliments from leaves that fall


Swept steeply in details of intimacy


…and yet never was I…


Chariot driven to the final race.



Sitting in the darkness near the edge of twilight


I remember the world that was a part of you.