Perpetual Wisdom Flakes

The advertisement would have to be brilliant!  Data gleaned from double-blind studies, quotes from Pulitzer Prize winners, and scantily clad coeds discussing world events. 

The simplicity of the nomenclature would also have to underlie the obvious with a subtle hint of hidden meaning.  This should be plain to see in the following mono-senticular but multisyllabic examples…

Perpetual: Ongoing and constantly flowing, weaving in and out of each and every nook and cranny.

Wisdom:  Deep intellectual insights coupled with the synergistic harmony of intelligence and knowledge.

Flakes:  Complex flattened mini geometrical shapes that have been scientifically engineered to stay crispy in milk.

Perpetual Wisdom Flakes are a neurologically enhanced form of breakfast entertainment.  They look good—they taste good—they feel good in your mouth, and—they are really good for you!

However, even though reality is often overrated, Perpetual Wisdom Flakes are not quite real (yet). 

If they were real, then Perpetual Wisdom Flakes would be my very own unique brand of breakfast cereal.  And, if they were real then it would be by eating a bowl each and every day that I became, in my mind, one of the most brilliant human beings that has ever graced the face of our lovely planet.

Also, if they were real then they would be quite delicious with a sliced banana and a handful of strawberries.

And, if they were real then they would also be the favorite cereal of movie stars, rock musicians, and scientists.

Physicians and professional athletes would also highly recommend them. That is, if of course they were real.

It’s all just a matter of perspective really, don’t you think?

Brought to you by PWRMTLTCWIS. 

People With Random Minds That Like To Combine Words Into Sentences.

Fractured and Disenfranchised

I have never been a fan of pain!  

Ouch is one of my least favorite words!

If you have the ability to walk, run, jump, dance, prance or chase romance; consider yourself one of the lucky ones!

I got a cortisone shot just the other day and all I can say is I think I will soon be able to put the vicodin away.  I have been functioning at varying levels below 30% for the past four months.  Not because of pain medication but because of true, real, and dehabilitating pain.  

And yes, there have been countless times in which my baby boy hid my crutches and then behaved like a mad fool less than five feet away from me.  Why?

I’ll tell you why!  I could not catch him.  The joy of teasing daddy!  Crime without punishment! The look on my face as he taunted and teased me mere feet away!

He’s not quite two and little does he know…I’ll be catching him soon.

The enforcer is going to be back on his feet.

Remember, if you are able-bodied you are blessed.  Get up off of your butt and enjoy life!

Death and Bologna

I tried to kill myself again last night but once again I didn’t get it right. The conversation went a little something like this…

Me: I thought you were dead?!
Myself: Well, I’m here aren’t I?!
I: Better luck next time.

The facts:
I took a grenade and put it in my mouth. Then I swallowed it whole with a glass of ice cold chocolate Ovaltine.

And I waited…
My tummy started to hurt but nothing. I forgot to pull the pin.
And I waited…
But my stomach acid never dissolved the pin.

So here I am. And I am dreading going to the bathroom.
Thinking it might be like passing a kidney stone or giving birth.
I guess I will find out soon enough when the laxatives kick in.

Behind the scenes of Death and Bologna…
Here is the context, the backdrop, the author’s notes.






We are killing ourselves as a species.
Sometimes with precision accuracy, we take ourselves out one by one.
Sometimes with artistic brushstrokes, we knock each other down like well placed rows of dominoes.

And once in a while, though as rare as a four leafed clover, I find myself wrapped within a moment of clarity.

For instance…my heart is broken that the bayou saltwater farmers have to watch their little shrimps die two-by-two by two-by-four, by the millions maybe more.

And yet I drive my SUV on the highways and byways and rarely do I connect the dots.

I too am as guilty as you in contributing to our demise. So I have decided to take myself out as part of my contribution to the betterment of our society and for the overall health and wellbeing of our planet.

Survival Kit

I think I could survive on my own for quite some time if I just had a hacksaw, a box of Twinkies, and a pickle jar.

My foot is now castified and it itches.  I have never in my life worn a cast and although it is a nice designer black color to match just about everything I could want to wear, I have no clean clothes and no where to go.  Plus I can’t drive on pain medication, at least not with a good clean conscious.

I seldom watch television, it is mindless entertainment.  Now it is my one and only true best friend.  Me and my TV, BFFs forever yo!

Without a remote I am a hostage to some channel I have never seen before and I think I am trapped within some sort of infomercial.

Have I died?  Am I in hell?  Why do my lips taste salty? Have I been crying?

Just kidding, all is well…

Oobi-doobey-doo, where are you?

Blessed are those of us who from time to time are able to see the world through the eyes of a child!

When the world seems overly complicated, annoyingly complex, concurrently catastrophic, or even obscure in an opaque context...just remember that what we see is what we get.

Our perception is just that…perception only…and if you can not feel me you have been wearing the same old pair of glasses for far too long. Trust me; they may not be as rose colored as you think. In the immortal words of Andre 3000, perhaps you need to “lean a little closer and see that roses really smell like boo boo.”

And what is the opposite of “boo boo?” That my friend is a philosophical question that is quite frankly out of my league. I do, however, know what sound is the opposite of “boo boo.” Can you say “Oobi?!”

No one ever wants to admit that they look at the world through “boo boo” colored glasses and in my case I have already set up an alternative universe that guarantees my ability to use the defense of plausible deniability.

For instance, today I was feeling kind of a lighter shade of blue because my little Merlin wanted to climb and wrestle and tickle and fight. Trust me; hearts were broken when I said “daddy can’t…”

How does a pre-toddler come to fully understand such challenging concepts as casts and crutches and elevation and ice?

Who knows, but these are the kinds of things that roll through my mind while racing up and down the aisles at Wal-Mart in my high speed grocery cart go-cart kind of wheelchair on wheels.

[Yes, I go to Wal-Mart just to get out of the house and ride around in a motorized shopping cart…I also go to the local hospital and get in a wheelchair and ride around visiting random strangers just so a nurse or occasional security guard can ask “how are you?” with genuine sympathy in their voice.]

Today in my draconian adventures to this “outside world” I found a bag of assorted Styrofoam balls ($1.39) and some goo-goo-goo-glee eyes ($1.29).

If you haven’t guessed the moral of this story by now, I went home and made an Oobi for Micah and an Oobi for me, then the Oobi for Mathias was to made to make three.

What a brighter world one sees when looking through the eyes of Oobi. Einstein did after all say that imagination was more important than intelligence.