Just Once...

Whenever a new story begins and an old story ends...good times are on the horizon.

Of courses, we all have our own perceptions and preferences and preconceived notions and...

...and I myself love stories that begin, "Once upon a time..." and somewhere down the road end, "...and they lived happily ever after."

If that's not how your story ends, it's not over yet.

Old and Dying

There is a saying that was planted by our very own poet, Robert Dylan..."those who are not busy being born are busy dying."

The voice of the revolution...and yet hunger is something that is familiar to all of us.

I just want to live a life that was well lived. I want to leave a legacy. At the very least, I want my children to never know what it is like to go to bed hungry.

But my friends, as the words of another timebound poet has spoken...if "this is the end" then by reading this...you are truly my only friend.

 I was young once...now I pray that I am not irrelevant.

Joseph

Immortal Yoda

Parenting: The process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/parenting).

Parenting is likely the most challenging job that any of us will ever perform. No two parents perform job the same way, no two children are ever the same, and all that we can ever really do is give it our finest effort and hope for the best. 

Some parents intuitively think that they know beyond a shadow of doubt what is best for their children. Without question, these tough and uncompromising parents are unwilling to adapt to each unique situation or adopt any alternative parenting approach.  They are adept, however, at discipline, structure, and consistency. Their “might makes right” attitude permeates a familial context in which their voices reign supreme. 

Believing there are ever elusive parenting best practices, another type of parent forms the backdrop of the multibillion-dollar industry that thrives on the innermost parental insecurities of today’s modern parent. They consume volumes of popular and scientific text designed to help them get all of the necessary ingredients blended into the right parenting concoction. From high end psychologically enhanced toys to subliminal Beethoven DVDs designed to teach their children to read before they can crawl; these parents spend all of their time, energy, and disposable income to significantly augment their inherent good intentions.

There are limitless combinations of parental adaptations.

Unfortunately one of these parental variations includes those with whom the greatest parenting effort was expended during the grunts and groans accompanying conception. To phrase it nicely, these are the non-parenting parents. They seem to not know or care what they are doing, and for them, parenting is an inconvenience.  These are the kind of parents that prompt flu-like symptoms, repulsive as it is to watch their unkempt children in need of attention just beyond reach of their level of parental consciousness. They are easy to spot as their children can be heard a literal mile a way; screaming and kicking, whining and crying, and throwing tantrums at the slightest hint they may not actually get what they want. 

Now, since you have waded through my overly complicated analysis thus far, as you begin to rub your eyes and yawn, I assure you that it was not my original intent to facilitate an intellectual treatise on the numerous manifestations of the paternal instinct.

So what was my intent? Stay tuned for my next blog as we find out together.

And, as a reward for staying with me thus far, I will elaborate on the subtle cleverness of the title “Immortal Yoda.”  It’s quite simple really.  In a metaphysical context, parents are assured of immortality as they live on through their children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, and so on. And Yoda is a metaphor representing the role of spiritual guide and sensei that parents take on with their children.  Cool, huh?

In closing, I have a two-part question for you.  Are you a parent and if so, what do you think is your most important contribution to the lives of your children?

Capriciously Conspicuous

Conspiracy theory or theoretical constipation?

Preemptive Note: I have always preferred the British spelling of the word “honour.”

Follow my logic if you will.  When a hero falls on the battlefield, sometimes they are honored with a 21 gun salute.  Now listen up, here is where the math gets tricky.  Seven soldiers fire rounds into the air three times.  Three times seven is of course twenty-one, plus the seven soldiers equals twenty-eight.  Subtract the one dead hero and what do you get?

Twenty-seven!

Twenty-seven and it all makes sense.  I was twenty-seven once so I know what I’m talking about. I was also a soldier. And to my children, I am indeed a hero. So listen up…

First, Jimi Hendrix died much too young.  He was twenty-seven.

The following year, Janis Joplin also died much too young.  She was twenty-seven.

And later that same year, Jim Morrison also also died much too young.  He was twenty-seven.

Now here comes the leap but I know you can make it.  Strawberries are the fruit of love because they are bittersweet like love.  I love strawberries and I also love Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison.

And now the landing.  Twenty-seven has always been my favorite number.  Now I know why.  It is because twenty-seven is like love or a bowl of strawberries.  It is bittersweet.

Finally, as an added bonus:  In numerology, three is a magic number.  Three is in fact a factor of twenty-seven.  In this very mad rambling I start one of my paragraphs off with a fragment of a sentence.  It is followed by three complete sentences.  In each of these three sentences I disclose one true fact about myself.  Three total: 1) I was 27 once; 2) I was a soldier once, and; 3) to my children I am a hero.

So how many bullets are fired from each individual rifle during a twenty-one gun salute?  If you know the answer to this question you will also know how many children I have.

Three!

And in conclusion, I just ate nine Oreo cookies. And, nine times three takes us back to twenty-seven.

p.s. This is the end, my friend.

p.s.s. In the Jimi, Janice, and Jim sentences I use the word also three times.  Three times three times three is also twenty-seven. Thus I have once again also proven my point.

p.s.s.s. When your strange, faces come out of the rain.

Perpetual Wisdom Flakes

The advertisement would have to be brilliant!  Data gleaned from double-blind studies, quotes from Pulitzer Prize winners, and scantily clad coeds discussing world events. 

The simplicity of the nomenclature would also have to underlie the obvious with a subtle hint of hidden meaning.  This should be plain to see in the following mono-senticular but multisyllabic examples…

Perpetual: Ongoing and constantly flowing, weaving in and out of each and every nook and cranny.

Wisdom:  Deep intellectual insights coupled with the synergistic harmony of intelligence and knowledge.

Flakes:  Complex flattened mini geometrical shapes that have been scientifically engineered to stay crispy in milk.

Perpetual Wisdom Flakes are a neurologically enhanced form of breakfast entertainment.  They look good—they taste good—they feel good in your mouth, and—they are really good for you!

However, even though reality is often overrated, Perpetual Wisdom Flakes are not quite real (yet). 

If they were real, then Perpetual Wisdom Flakes would be my very own unique brand of breakfast cereal.  And, if they were real then it would be by eating a bowl each and every day that I became, in my mind, one of the most brilliant human beings that has ever graced the face of our lovely planet.

Also, if they were real then they would be quite delicious with a sliced banana and a handful of strawberries.

And, if they were real then they would also be the favorite cereal of movie stars, rock musicians, and scientists.

Physicians and professional athletes would also highly recommend them. That is, if of course they were real.

It’s all just a matter of perspective really, don’t you think?

Brought to you by PWRMTLTCWIS. 

People With Random Minds That Like To Combine Words Into Sentences.