Capriciously Conspicuous

Conspiracy theory or theoretical constipation?

Preemptive Note: I have always preferred the British spelling of the word “honour.”

Follow my logic if you will.  When a hero falls on the battlefield, sometimes they are honored with a 21 gun salute.  Now listen up, here is where the math gets tricky.  Seven soldiers fire rounds into the air three times.  Three times seven is of course twenty-one, plus the seven soldiers equals twenty-eight.  Subtract the one dead hero and what do you get?

Twenty-seven!

Twenty-seven and it all makes sense.  I was twenty-seven once so I know what I’m talking about. I was also a soldier. And to my children, I am indeed a hero. So listen up…

First, Jimi Hendrix died much too young.  He was twenty-seven.

The following year, Janis Joplin also died much too young.  She was twenty-seven.

And later that same year, Jim Morrison also also died much too young.  He was twenty-seven.

Now here comes the leap but I know you can make it.  Strawberries are the fruit of love because they are bittersweet like love.  I love strawberries and I also love Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison.

And now the landing.  Twenty-seven has always been my favorite number.  Now I know why.  It is because twenty-seven is like love or a bowl of strawberries.  It is bittersweet.

Finally, as an added bonus:  In numerology, three is a magic number.  Three is in fact a factor of twenty-seven.  In this very mad rambling I start one of my paragraphs off with a fragment of a sentence.  It is followed by three complete sentences.  In each of these three sentences I disclose one true fact about myself.  Three total: 1) I was 27 once; 2) I was a soldier once, and; 3) to my children I am a hero.

So how many bullets are fired from each individual rifle during a twenty-one gun salute?  If you know the answer to this question you will also know how many children I have.

Three!

And in conclusion, I just ate nine Oreo cookies. And, nine times three takes us back to twenty-seven.

p.s. This is the end, my friend.

p.s.s. In the Jimi, Janice, and Jim sentences I use the word also three times.  Three times three times three is also twenty-seven. Thus I have once again also proven my point.

p.s.s.s. When your strange, faces come out of the rain.

Perpetual Wisdom Flakes

The advertisement would have to be brilliant!  Data gleaned from double-blind studies, quotes from Pulitzer Prize winners, and scantily clad coeds discussing world events. 

The simplicity of the nomenclature would also have to underlie the obvious with a subtle hint of hidden meaning.  This should be plain to see in the following mono-senticular but multisyllabic examples…

Perpetual: Ongoing and constantly flowing, weaving in and out of each and every nook and cranny.

Wisdom:  Deep intellectual insights coupled with the synergistic harmony of intelligence and knowledge.

Flakes:  Complex flattened mini geometrical shapes that have been scientifically engineered to stay crispy in milk.

Perpetual Wisdom Flakes are a neurologically enhanced form of breakfast entertainment.  They look good—they taste good—they feel good in your mouth, and—they are really good for you!

However, even though reality is often overrated, Perpetual Wisdom Flakes are not quite real (yet). 

If they were real, then Perpetual Wisdom Flakes would be my very own unique brand of breakfast cereal.  And, if they were real then it would be by eating a bowl each and every day that I became, in my mind, one of the most brilliant human beings that has ever graced the face of our lovely planet.

Also, if they were real then they would be quite delicious with a sliced banana and a handful of strawberries.

And, if they were real then they would also be the favorite cereal of movie stars, rock musicians, and scientists.

Physicians and professional athletes would also highly recommend them. That is, if of course they were real.

It’s all just a matter of perspective really, don’t you think?

Brought to you by PWRMTLTCWIS. 

People With Random Minds That Like To Combine Words Into Sentences.

Fractured and Disenfranchised

I have never been a fan of pain!  

Ouch is one of my least favorite words!

If you have the ability to walk, run, jump, dance, prance or chase romance; consider yourself one of the lucky ones!

I got a cortisone shot just the other day and all I can say is I think I will soon be able to put the vicodin away.  I have been functioning at varying levels below 30% for the past four months.  Not because of pain medication but because of true, real, and dehabilitating pain.  

And yes, there have been countless times in which my baby boy hid my crutches and then behaved like a mad fool less than five feet away from me.  Why?

I’ll tell you why!  I could not catch him.  The joy of teasing daddy!  Crime without punishment! The look on my face as he taunted and teased me mere feet away!

He’s not quite two and little does he know…I’ll be catching him soon.

The enforcer is going to be back on his feet.

Remember, if you are able-bodied you are blessed.  Get up off of your butt and enjoy life!