Another Assassination Attempt

Triple A Baby! AAA

For all you hardcore parents out there…you know what I’m talking about.

Just when you are settled in for the evening and think all is well in the world, it happens! When you least expect it, wham! Another assassination attempt!

Trust me, you have to be vigilant and on your toes at all times because you just never know when one of your kids is going to try to take you out.

My youngest tried to kill me tonight.

It was his first assassination attempt.

He is not even a year old.

“Oh, he’s just a baby” you say.

Well I say you don’t have to believe me, this time I have witnesses.

First, he pushed his walker into the hallway right outside the downstairs bathroom. Then he snuck into the bathroom and started tearing up the place, knowing damn well I would be the one to come a-chasing after him. In one quick motion I snatched him into my arms and swung around to exit the scene of the crime. BUT as I turned, I swear he smiled and winked at me as my foot hit the walker and my left leg began to give out.

He is slick.

He is patient.

He is crafty.

He is diligent.

He knew my paternal instinct would kick in and I would throw myself into harms way to ensure that he was safe. So as I fell, smashing crashing and bashing myself on the way down…like a heroic warrior I gently set him sitting on the counter before the final crash.

Him—unharmed and smiling.

Me—two broken legs, a bruised elbow, and a minor concussion.

This time he was unsuccessful. There will be a next time, when and where and how I do not know. But there will be a next time, mark my words.

p.s. For the unconditionally loving parent types out there, I know you will understand this when I say that although my son quite literally tried to take me out tonight, I am quite proud of the strategic brilliance of his attack.

p.s.s. Did I mention he is not even a year old?